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Apple Bloom scrunched up her face as she nosed her dinner around the plate. "Bored! Bored! This ain't no fun!" She looked up at the face of Big Mac, impassive as always. "Applejack said she would play a game with me, why ain't she come home?"

Big Mac stared down at his little sister dully, chewing a straw. It was the same straw that he had been chewing for the past year, at least that is what he thought. In reality Applejack had to sneakily change it every week so that it didn't become nasty. "Applejack's gone on holiday lil' one. She said she'll be gone a long time."

Apple Bloom glared quizzically up at her brother. "That don't make no sense, she would've told me!"

Big Mac huffed. "She won it from Pinkie Pie. Said it was really last minute, had to go quick. Didn't even see her pack a bag."

"How can Pinkie Pie afford to buy Applejack a holiday? She never said anything about no competition!" Apple Bloom's small form scooted down from the table. "Somethin' fishy is going on her Big Mac, an' I'm getting to the bottom of it! Wish me luck!" With that she shot out the door into the evening light.

Big Mac watched her go and settled down in front of the fire to chew his straw. It was particularly tasty today.


Apple Bloom's investigations led her to her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders. Right into them in fact, as the little filly crashed headfirst into her friends as she ran frantically down the path. A mass of pony limbs, baskets and cupcakes flew in all directions.

Scootaloo was the first to pop her head up from the ground. "What the hay was that about, Apple Bloom! You've ruined half these cakes, AND they were for you!"

Apple Bloom giddily stood up on all fours as she watched Scootaloo shuffle round the path, carefully picking up the cupcakes that survived the crash. Sweetie Belle regained consciousness, blinking. "Help help; there's something wrong, I can only see cupcakes now!"

Scootaloo plucked the offending cupcake from its position impaled on Sweetie Belle's horn. "There, all better! Oooh, does this mean I'm a doctor?" She stared excitedly at her flank, blinking, waiting patiently for a doctor-themed cutie mark to appear. Rather expectedly, it didn't.

Sweetie Belle whipped a tartan blanket from her pack and set it on the ground. "Pinkie Pie was giving these away in town; we got a bunch for you. Picnic time!" she smiled brightly, taking a purple sparkly cupcake from Scootaloo and shoving it into her mouth. "Mmmmpf mmmmp mppppf!"

Scootaloo plonked her rear down on the blanket too, picking a yellow and pink cupcake, with a little candy butterfly on top, passing another cake to Apple Bloom. "What she means to say is that it's been ever so boring in Ponyville since Rarity won that competition!"

Apple Bloom tilted her head suspiciously. "Wait, RARITY won a competition? So did Applejack..."

Sweetie Belle nodded. "And Twilight Sparkle! And Fluttershy! She was ever so excited to be going away!" Scootaloo bit into her yellow cupcake. Apple Bloom stared at the cake her friend had passed her. It was orange and yellow.

And there was a little candy apple neatly pressed into the top.

Apple Bloom continued to look at the cupcake, her little mind ticking away. Finally she spoke. "Uh girls... don't you think there's something a bit... odd... about these cupcakes?"

"Odd? What'dya mean?" Scootaloo spoke with her mouth full; yellow crumbs spraying everywhere. "They aren't odd, they're great! Better than ever!" She pushed Apple Bloom's cake towards her. "Go on, if you won't eat it, I will!"

Apple Bloom's eyes widened in horror. "Look uh... ah don't know how to say this, but... Pinkie Pie works in a cake shop, she can't afford to send ponies on holiday. Suspiciously sudden holidays. What if she ain't sending them on holiday, what if..." she trailed off, staring down at the cake before her.

Scootaloo tilted her head. "What if she fed them cakes...?" she replied. "I don't get it."

Apple Bloom leaned forward conspiratorially. "No, what if... what if... they ARE the cakes!"

Scootaloo shook her head. "No Apple Bloom, ponies aren't cakes." She sighed. "I mean I don't know what you... oh!" Her eyes widened as it suddenly clicked in her head. "But that's ridiculous, Pinkie Pie wouldn't do that!" She stared down at the little apple cupcake, feeling a bit queasy as the cake she had just eaten felt heavy in her stomach. "Oh."

The cake sat there, the little candy apple placed on top seemingly staring accusingly at the little ponies. And then it was gone.

"Five second rule!" The three fillies jumped back with a start as Rainbow Dash swooped down from the sky, gulping down the cake with one bite. She stood there smugly, before flapping her wings for another take-off. "Waste not want not; have fun kids, *I* just won a competition! Holiday, here I come!" And with that, she shot off as quickly as she left.

Apple Bloom gulped hard, looking round. "Cutie Mark Crusader Crimefighters?" she finally stuttered out.


The sun was starting to set as the various ponies of Ponyville busied themselves before the light faded. Finally the last rays of light left the sky and silence descended; no place more silent than outside the cake shop.

That was until the bush started speaking to itself.

"This sucks!"
"There's a branch in my eye!"
"Why are we even here?"

Three heads popped out of the bush at three very uncomfortable angles. Apple Bloom glared at her friends. "Ah don't think you're taking this very seriously! We've not seen Rainbow Dash come out of there! She could be in trouble!"

"We didn't see Rainbow Dash go IN there!" Scootaloo stared impassively at Apple Bloom. "She could have gone in and left before we got here. If you hadn't INSISTED on SNEAKING the whole way to Ponyville, we could've got there at the same time as her!"

"Quit it with your fancy logic!" Apple Bloom retorted, as the little filly slowly sidled up to the window and peered in. "Ah've not seen Mr and Mrs Cake either. Maybe... maybe she got them too. Maybe..." She trailed off, her eyes wide, pupils tiny dots lost in the white, as she stared at what she saw.

"What what?" Scootaloo leapt onto Sweetie Belle's protesting head, using her as a ladder. "I wanna see - oh!"

The two ponies pressed their noses against the glass, speechless in horror. At the back of the room was the prone body of Rainbow Dash. And Pinkie Pie, standing above it.

"What? Is it a cake?" Sweetie Belle tweeted upwards. But her friends ignored her.

Scootaloo turned to Apple Bloom. "Okay, there's gotta be a reasonable explanation for this. Perhaps Rainbow Dash just uh... is tired?"

Pinkie Pie looked around her. Her voice could be heard faintly through the window, as she spoke to the body of Rainbow Dash. "Oh Dashy, you look good enough to eat. In fact..." Scootaloo gave a scream as Pinkie Pike leant down to bite a chunk out of Rainbow Dash's wing. "Mmmmm, rainbowy!"

"Ohmygodohmygod!" Scootaloo thrashed about on top of a protesting Sweetie Belle as she tried to get a foothold again. "There's gotta be an explanation, there's gotta be! This can't be what it looks like! Maybe Rainbow Dash has a joke wing on!" She scrambled back on top of Sweetie Belle's head to push her face against the window, joining an Apple Bloom frozen with fear at the drama unfolding before her.

"And now Rainbow, to put you in the mincer round the back so I can make you into delicious cupcakes!" Pinkie Pie grabbed the body of Rainbow Dash and started to drag it away.

After a moment, Scootaloo shook her head. "Maybe uh... no. No, I've got nothing."


The door to the cake shop creaked open as the three friends slipped in. "Okay, while she's out the back, we sneak in, get some evidence, then go to the mayor!" Apple Bloom hissed. "She's not making my friends and family into cupcakes and getting away with it!"

The shop was soon a whirr of pony madness as the fillies crashed about, rifling through cupboards and drawers and sweet jars. Sweetie Belle in particular spent a good deal of time 'investigating' a jar of icing. "We're getting nowhere!" Apple Bloom wailed, sitting down in a slump. "There's nothing here that's suspicious. Maybe ah WAS wrong, maybe we were seeing things earlier, maybe..."

It was at that exact point that Sweetie Belle picked up a blue jar, which with a click activated a secret trapdoor that happened to be beneath Apple Bloom. She disappeared with a crash and thud and scream as she fell down a set of hidden stairs. And then she continued to scream.

"I really hope that's a scream of joy!" Scootaloo frowned, peering down into the darkness after Apple Bloom. "Hey, you okay down there?"

"Ubba blah ubba!" echoed up the response. It was not a reassuring noise.

Slowly, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle stepped down the creaking wooden stairs. It was like descending into hell itself. Apple Bloom was sprawled on the floor, having crashed into a pile of skulls. Candlelight flickered in the darkened basement illuminating a selection of dripping red, raggedly cut cutie marks that had been hung up on a clothesline, more skulls, and a cauldron full of something suspicious and slimy. Worse than that, the entire room was completely smeared in a sticky red substance. Scootaloo screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Sweetie Belle took slightly longer to take in the view, but then she too joined in the screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Apple Bloom finally regained consciousness to find herself lying on a pile of skulls and covered in what could only be blood.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A pink head bobbed up to join the three fillies. Pinkie Pie beamed. "What are we screaming about?"

Apple Bloom scooted backwards, slipping and sliding as she waved a hoof in Pinkie Pie's direction. "We... we know what you're up to! You won't get away with it! We're not scared of you!"

"YES WE ARE!" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle shouted in unison, scrambling to race up the stairs. Apple Bloom darted after them.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you!" Pinkie smiled, a cleaver suddenly appearing in her mouth as she hopped after the three fillies.


"I... I think she's gone!" Apple Bloom peered out of the bush. Sweetie Belle hadn't stopped twitching since leaving the basement of horrors. The three were exhausted after the chase through the night. Every time they through they'd escaped their pursuer, up had popped Pinkie Pie in defiance of all physics. But now, finally -

"I LOVE HIDE AND SEEK!" Pinkie Pie's smile suddenly appeared from inside the bush next to Apple Bloom's head. "Who're we hiding from?"

The three screamed and ran faster than they thought possible.



"Gotta say, this is very generous Pinkie, are you SURE?" Rainbow Dash stood in Pinkie Pie's secret candy kitchen basement, looking at the ticket her friend had just pushed into her hoof. "You can't afford this!"

"Nono, it's okay, I have lots and lots saved up from selling cakes!" Pinkie Pie beamed. "I like to spend money on my friends; when they are happy, I am happy!" The pink pony lifted a cleaver in her mouth and used it to chop up some particularly tough candy canes. "Making candy sprinkles is hard! But little fillies like them especially!"

Rainbow Dash peered about Pinkie's workshop. "It's worth it Pinkie, your new cupcake range is super! And you've done some great work on the catering for the town Halloween party!" She took an idle bite out of a candy skull. Pinkie Pie slapped her.

"No bitey! They're difficult to make! Almost as hard as these cutie mark cake toppers! All on rice paper!" She waved a hoof at a selection of carefully traced cutie marks, all on edible paper, stacked neatly.

"Still, not sure about THAT" Rainbow Dash frowned, pointing towards Pinkie Pie's latest creation. Pinkie Pie's face fell.

"But I spent ages on the life-sized Rainbow Dash replica cake!" She carefully dusted the cake, which was uncannily like Rainbow Dash. She gave it a quick lick.

"No Pinkie, that's just WEIRD, and just a bit unlikely. I don't want any pony eating me. Now, holiday time!" With a flick of her wings, Rainbow Dash took to the sky.

Pinkie Pie frowned. "Aaaw. I guess I'll have to put it in the cake mincer and reuse it for my cupcakes. Oh Dashie, watch out for the raspberry jam!"

But it was too late. In her hurry to leave, Rainbow Dash had unbalanced a large vat of raspberry jam, which tumbled over, spilling out and flooding the basement in a thick red delicious liquid.



By the light of the moon, three little fillies hid underneath a bridge outside Ponyville, covered in mud, shivering. "Do you think we've lost her?" Scootaloo whispered.

Apple Bloom shook her head. "A few more hours Scoots, then we'll be safe. A few more hours..."
Yes, I wrote some My Little Pony fanfiction! :v

Ponies are disappearing on suspicious holidays. Pinkie Pie has a new cupcake range. And a cleaver.

Could these things possibly be related? Can Apple Bloom solve the mystery before it is too late? Or is it cupcakes for all?
Add a Comment:
fatfan12345 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011
well that was a let down :( i was expecting gore but i still liked it. :)
Koolgirman900 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
I'm thinking the same thing! Biggest let down ever!!!!
fatfan12345 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Oh well it's still a solid story.
RememberThatOneTime Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011
niiice :XD:
Atzel Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2011
Better than "Cupcakes"
McGack Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2011
heh heh clever :)
BlackWidower Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2011  Professional Writer
jkwleisemann Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011
I'll admit, I saw the cake RD coming, but it's still hilarious. ^^
BlackkingScootaloo Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2011
lol silly fillies
sodomitor Featured By Owner May 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Awesome! It seems 'Cupcakes' gave authors a lot of inspiration!
alexwarlorn Featured By Owner May 13, 2011
The subversion here, is pardon my blaspheme, beyond divine! Everyone in the fandom has become so fixated on that horror story that a story that outright subverts it like this in such a clever and 'Gotcha!' way that it makes me smile and is so freakin' ironic! I mean, most subversions are like 'NYA! NYA!' at the original motif, but this one is CLEVER!!
SwordSparks Featured By Owner May 1, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh man! How crazy can Pinkie Pie get?
ShineeMew Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
At first I was scared to death, but then I LOL'd. :XD:
Kaliet Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011
Moral of tonights episode:

Oh Pinkie Pie, you are SO Random!
Klutzybear Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2011


I can't believe you switched it up at the last minute. PHEW!

I actually heard about a "Pinkie Kills Dash and turns her into Cupcakes" story, recently and I thought to myself.

'Oh, cool. Let's see it.' For some reason, I thought it'd just be a half-assed murder story.

Oh, how wrong I was.

That story was so well written and frightening to me, it actually made me reconsider writting my own story.

It was THAT horrifying.

I wanted to suck it up and endure such a horriable story, so I looked for another one, which led me here.

Wow. I gotta say, though, this really brightened my day up. Thanks. :P
BB-Shockwave Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2011
You had me fooled right up to the ending... :)
Mannik Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
Okay, now that was absolutely hilarious. I laughed. Really laughed. Still am as I type. Amazingly humorous take on the events of "Cupcakes". Superbly executed. Thank you good sir, for writing this. After reading it "Cupcakes" just doesn't seem like it could be quite as bad (Emotionally, that is) anymore.
williamcll Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
did you get this idea from "Cupcakes"?
Blueshift2k5 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
Absolutely, it is a 'Cupcakes' reaction fic ;)

I had to do this or I would never be able to eat cupcakes ever again :(
williamcll Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
have you read the alt-ending?
Blueshift2k5 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
Is the alt-ending even worse by any chance? D:
williamcll Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
no, its just dash finding out it was all a dream (this is the cannon alt-ending, but there is also some other alt-ending like yours, one is where dash kills pinkie after which is the alt-alt-ending, and then another is a batman crossover where batmare pinkie rescues dash from joker pinkie)
MCmkII Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011
Haha, this was excellent! I'll go with what ruff1298 said and add that this was excellent use of cartoon physics.
babyrainbou Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Student General Artist

I loved it! It had just the right amount of almost-ick thanks to a certain other fanfic that wasn't nearly so sweet. ^^
Ud-the-Imp Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
Oh Pinkie Pie, your so random! XD
ruff1298 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
Dammit, you made me spit my drink! Thank you!

Anyways, lovely referencing to Cupcakes. I absolutely adored how you used all the elements of Cupcakes, used them through the eyes of the ignorant CMC, then gave them all rather innocent and honestly very amusing justifications. My personal favorite would be that "silhouette in the window" scene with Pinkie Pie, and the absolutely hilarious reference to what Psycho Pie does to her victims.

Your pacing is excellent. I adored how you weren't skimpy on the details, and the hilarious bits and pieces in between the dialogue like Sweetie Belle's usual delayed reaction. I loved how you used the Show Stoppers running gag with Scootaloo, too, but I arguably loved Pinkie Pie's penchant for just suddenly appearing out of nowhere, innocently wielding her meat cleaver.

The Flashback to earlier was excellent in its justification and the usual bit of Perfect Pie that has Pinkie Pie being insulted and rightfully protected when her extremely hard work goes unnoticed or is undermined.

Finally, excellent bit with the Cutie Mark Crusaders waiting for the sun before leaving. My, are they in for a surprise when Halloween rolls by...

PS. Thanks for making this. It's honestly a lot better than the source.
Lunatron Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
Heehehee, this is so silly!
Retl Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I already had the ending spoiled by EqD comments before I read it the first time, but it was pretty amusing. :3
Solaris90 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This was awesome, and I loved every word of it. I've never read Cupcakes (nor do I really want to), so I can only compare it to this one fic I read where Twilight discovered Pinkie Pie made the glue used in Ponyville by butchering the old and disabled ponies.

Lurks-no-More Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
Oh Pinkie, you're so scary! :D
pyrotec911 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
Creepy, but nice.
I was thinking of Disturbia when I read this.
Pimpslap-MeGee Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
What a twist!
chain-wings Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
Oh man, this is the funniest anti!Cupcakes story yet!
dreckerjones Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
what have i spawned?
oh wait.....
i get it
ShebaKoby Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
Pojoco Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
LOL that was great.
Nova225 Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
Well... sure seems an incalculable amount of times better than a certain ''story'' (as far as one could DARE call ''that'' grimdark thing, a story...), which name shall not even be thought.

For a second I feared it might have been a Replica of ''that'' story.

But, raspberry jam! So, it's all good. (I might sound confusing, but just a bit)
Jenovaii Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
Yeah, i liked this better than "Cupcakes" too.
Nova225 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011
There's no scale fit to weight the difference between those 2 stories... ''That'' story defying any logical explanation, so much the story was horrible in so many levels... But let's stop speaking of ''That'' story.

This one is, better, let's put it that way, since the ''other'' as nothing that should be compared to.
Jenovaii Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011"Cupcakes" is the Voldemort of ponyficdom?
Nova225 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011
Pretty much... I mean... Absolutely perfectly yes, without a doubt.

Now you must die for mentionning ''It''.
RoyGBiv-MLP Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
Oh, this is great! I was worried it was grimdark, and it turned fun! :) Excellent!
DizzyPacce Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
That was charming!
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