The Legend Of Star Swirl The Bearded - Chapter 1

Five years ago, the world was not a snowy wasteland. That same valley was once a balmy and pleasant green wilderness, surrounded by lush foliage of all shades, peaceful, quiet and serene. One midsummer's day, a figure draped in a resplendent wizards cloak, large hat and puffy white beard had set out from that very same wooden cabin buried in the Lonely Mountains, pulling a cart laden high with all manner of mysterious objects.

It was a journey Star Swirl made often enough. The trail up the mountainside was long and treacherous and took all day to cross, but that was nothing compared to the dangers of the lawless plains, where all manner of bandits roamed free.

Star Swirl's only companion on that long journey towards civilisation was the constant squeaking of the cart wheels as they threatened to spin off their axles and topple the precious cargo onto the ground. A hot summer's day soon gave way into chilling night as the wizard finally descended the last of the mountainous ridges and made it onto the plains. The light faded quickly into a pitch black, leaving the pony feeling very alone. The daylight was needed to navigate the mountains though; in theory a flat plain could be crossed in the dark.

The inexperienced traveller would have tried to make camp. Star Swirl knew better. To stay in one place was sheer madness, keeping moving and getting across those plains quickly was the key to survival. Ahead like a distant jewel in the distance lay the safety of the town of Saddleworth. It was a small Earth Pony town, but an excellent place to ply ones wares, and a good stopping point before the rest of society. If Star Swirl's luck held out, the journey would only take another hour.

It didn't.

The first sign was a shattered carriage on the dirt track. Star Swirl's eyes narrowed and teeth clenched as the pony continued onwards. You didn't stop on the plains, not for anything.  Highwayponies often set traps like this for the curious traveller, catching them unawares while trying to help out an imaginary victim, attacking when their guard was down.

The second sign that something was wrong were eyes, glinting in the darkness. This, Star Swirl knew, was not a good sign. Grinding the rickety cart to a halt in case a quick getaway was needed, Star Swirl peered into the gloom.

The eyes peered back at him and several shapes detached themselves from the shadows. Star Swirl gave an involuntary shudder. Goats. Powerful, fast and strong. Why did it have to be goats?

The leader stepped forwards, a sneer etched onto his thin, gaunt face as his companions started to encircle Star Swirl. "Well well well…" he jeered, pushing his face into Star Swirl's. "What have we here? Another weak little pony. Give us everything you've got and we might let you live." A cackle arose from the crowd. "Might."

Star Swirl was not cowed. Puffing a robed chest out, the wizard stepped defiantly forwards, pressing towards the leader. "You foals!" Star Swirl bellowed, beard billowing impressively. "Do you not realise who I am? I am Star Swirl the Bearded, the greatest unicorn to have ever lived! I who created the amniomorphic spell! Who defeated the Antwerp dragon! Who singled-hoofedly vanquished the plague-ghosts of Krull!"

The goats exchanged glances, unsure of how to react to this new development. Finally one of them gave a cough and raised a hoof. "Uh, there isn't a dragon at Antwerp."

"Of course not!" Star Swirl boomed, hooves suddenly waving in the air in a flurry of mystical mystery. "I defeated it! Begone foul fiends, or I will defeat you too!" In that instant, the dark sky exploded into light as wave after wave of flashing fiery doom was flung from Star Swirl's hooves, sending showers of sparks all about with terrible crashes and whistles. Blindingly bright spurts of light hurled themselves one after another at the attackers, each exploding in a brilliant display of colour.

"Leg it!" shouted one of the goats as the attackers scattered into the night. "I'm too young to get magic missiled!" Within moments the goats had kicked up an enormous cloud of dust, and before the last spark had settled, they were all gone.

Apart from the leader.

"Cowards!" he hissed, narrowing his eyes and turning to Star Swirl. "That sort of fancy unicorn trickery doesn't scare me," he snarled, baring his teeth. "Once I lay my hooves on you, all the pretty lights in the world won't help you."

Star Swirl's eyes fixed on the bandit leader in the gloom, casting an icy, fearless expression. "My powers are older and vaster than you could ever conceive, goat," the wizard spat. "Does my bearded appearance not prove my wisdom, do you really need a demonstration of my true might?" A smile broke across the pony's face. "Step towards me then. Cross half the distance in one stride!"

The goat stepped forward cockily, halving the distance between the two. "Pah. Oh look, I'm not struck down by any mysterious powers," he scoffed. "Are you scared yet?"

"Take another step," Star Swirl commanded. "Again, half the distance between us."

Playing along, the goat did as ordered. And again. And again. And the smirk on his face soon fell into one of horror as he stared at the ground. For even though each step covered half the distance between him and his foe, his steps got smaller and smaller until he was barely moving. "What… what dark magic is this?" he cried out in confused terror, fore hooves clutching his head. "I am moving half the distance each time yet I will never reach you! My mind!" With that, the gibbering wreck of a goat fled into the night.

Star Swirl just gave a loud tut and turned back to the cart to make sure everything was in place. Luckily, what goats had in brawn, they lacked in brain. The lights of the town continued to glow invitingly in the distance, and Star Swirl allowed a smile to form. With the goat bandits running and hollering in such a manner, it was very unlikely anyone else would attempt to disrupt the lone traveller.

"That was amazing!"

Star Swirl gave a manly shriek as two round eyes popped up from the other side of the cart, shivering slightly in the darkness. At second glance, it became evident that the newcomer was not another goat out for blood, but a silver Earth pony huddled in a blanket and wearing a chequered cloth hat, slightly the worse for wear but trembling in a mixture of terror and excitement.

"Those goats didn't stand a chance!"

Star Swirl bristled with pride and gave a mock-bow. "Star Swirl the Bearded, at your command ma'am. The most powerful pony in the three kingdoms! I can escort you home, if you want." Star Swirl nodded over to the inviting lights of Saddleworth in the distance.

The silver pony instantly recoiled. "No! Oh ew, no! Don't worry, I'm not a mud pony, I'm a unicorn just like you!" She lifted the cap to reveal a shining silver horn and a perfect blue mane that tumbled over her features, almost twinkling in the moonlight. Star Swirl's heart skipped a beat. "My name's Platinum. I couldn't let those goats find out who I was! Oh I dread to think of what they'd do to me!"

Star Swirl's mouth flapped open and closed mutely. 'I could think of a few things' was the sentence that wanted to come out, but the wizard valiantly throttled the words before they could escape. Instead the radiant unicorn was greeted with a bob of a wizard hat. "It's my pleasure madam, the only reward I seek is knowing that you are safe."

"Oh," Platinum's face fell. "Well I was going to offer you gold but-"

"And gold!" Star Swirl interrupted loudly. "Knowing that you're safe, and gold. Of course." Another grin crossed the wizard's face. "I would not wish to insult you by refusing such an offer!"

"Then it's settled." The silver pony fluttered her long eyelashes at her rescuer with a grin. "I'll make sure that you're rewarded…" she slowly ran a hoof over Star Swirl's cheek "…handsomely." Her expression then fell slightly, as a clattering of hooves sounded behind her. "Oh look" she deadpanned. "The cavalry's arrived!"

Rapidly approaching were a pair of red and blue unicorns, each wearing a battered suit of armour, their eyes goggling about in terror as they warbled out incomprehensible shouts at the tops of their voices. They skidded to a halt in front of Platinum and Star Swirl, looking about puzzled. Finally, the blue unicorn spoke. "Did… uh, did we scare them off? Like planned?"

Platinum scowled at the two. "No, you two foals left me to the mercy of those wicked goats! I will have to have daddy punish you! Thankfully the greatest unicorn of all time, Star Swirl the Bearded was here to save me!"

The red unicorn pushed her sweaty, messy mane from her eyes and looked at Star Swirl. "I… that is we… we thought you were right behind us ma'am! Also it was a clever plan! To get help! And…" She gave a gulp. "Please don't get us in trouble!"

Star Swirl's heart gave a small pang of sympathy for the panicking duo. "If you would hold your ire," the wizard turned to Platinum, "let me explain. I felt myself summoned here to your aid by some call for help on the ethereal plane. These two valiant young mares obviously sent out a mystical distress signal which brought me here to your rescue."

The red unicorn looked confused and was about to speak up, but the blue one nodded furiously, forcing her companion to nod. "Yes, yes, that's it! We did an ethernet plan to get Mr Starspangled here! Obviously!"

"Hmpf!" Platinum flung her head back, flicking her mane into the air in one perfect motion. "You were lucky you two, that such a powerful magician was nearby! Still, no harm done…" She turned to Star Swirl. "Come with us back to Unicornia, it's the least we can do."

Star Swirl's head flashed quickly towards the bright lights of Saddleworth, and then back to the three unicorns. "Ah, my destiny lies elsewhere. There is more evil to vanquish this night. But be not afraid, for Star Swirl will return to once more bask in your fine company!" Star Swirl paused dramatically, then added: "and pick up the gold. You remember that bit, right? The gold."

Platinum just beamed a pristine smile. "Next time you're in Unicornia and you're passing the royal castle, just ask for me, I'll make sure you get your reward." She accentuated this with a stroke and a tap of Star Swirl's chest, causing the wizard to give a small gulp. She leaned in closer. "Just be careful around these parts, it's crawling with mud ponies."

Star Swirl gave a quick laugh and a final bow. "Do not worry about me, Star Swirl the Bearded can handle a hundred, nay a thousand crazed Earth ponies! And now I must go – danger and excitement awaits!" With that, the wizard rehitched the wooden cart and trundled off into the distance.

Platinum watched Star Swirl depart, until finally she turned to her two aides, giving them both a convincing thump on the head. "There!" she squeaked. "There's a hero! Why can't you two be like that?" Her eyes shone with a wild excitement. "I wonder what other daring adventures he'll have tonight?"


***

As predicted the rest of the journey to Saddleworth was uneventful, and soon Star Swirl entered the small town. It had the distinct feeling of an unplanned affair, with crudely built huts springing up at every angle in the most random of places, most of them looking as if they would collapse at any moment. Still, it was the first stepping stone to civilisation in these parts. Saddleworth didn't offer much, but to the weary traveller, there was one highlight.

Star Swirl flung open the doors to the Chancellor's Crown Tavern, boldly marching into the gloomy interior which reeked of spilt drink. "Behold foul Earth ponies! Star Swirl the Bearded, greatest unicorn of all time is here to claim your ale and salt licks!"

At once the entire bar fell silent, over a dozen Earth ponies stopping their conversations to glare at Star Swirl with a murderous gleam in their eyes. Chairs skidded back as several ponies stood up, and the large, thick-set stallion behind the bar raised a dagger in his mouth.

Then the entire bar burst into jolly laughter.

"Star Swirl!" The barpony placed his knife down carefully next to the oranges he'd been cutting and gave the new arrival a beaming grin. "It's been too long! You'll come to a sticky end if you keep up that routine though, mark my words!"

"Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!" Star Swirl trotted to a spare seat at the bar, casually unhooking the white fluffy beard which fell around the wizard's neck to reveal a smooth blue snout. Next the hat and cloak came off, a puff of pink and violet hair being released to settle in a mess over the pony's face. Finally, the pony known to history as Star Swirl the Bearded, the greatest unicorn that ever lived, took off the rolled up paper horn which was held on by a single elastic band.

At the bar, surrounded by a false beard, false horn and wizard regalia sat a young female Earth pony, a sardonic smile etched onto her face. Her light blue coat seemed to shine in the gloom of the filthy bar as she settled down, forehooves brushing her pink and purple mane from her eyes and arranging it neatly in a curl. "Rocky," she smirked. "If you know a better way of crossing the lawless regions unchallenged, just let me know!"

Rocky polished a glass and poured a heavy measure of cider into it, which he slammed down in front of Star Swirl. "Hey, how about you don't cross the lawless regions! Haven't you been keeping up with the news, it's crazy out there! If you don't run into bandits you'll meet monsters or pegasi or even real unicorns! And don't think that you'll be able to scare off proper pointy heads with that silly act! They'll tear you apart!"

Star Swirl took a deep swig of her cider, gasping happily as the cool liquid refreshed her. "That's where you're wrong!" She leaned forward conspiratorially, a gleam in her eye. "I met some pointies tonight! Rescued a unicorn who works in their royal palace or something, she said she'd get me gold as a reward!" Star Swirl licked her lips. "Just think Rocky, a gold sovereign! Maybe even two! That's more than I can earn in a week!"

"And you'll spend it in a day, on drink and fillies no doubt!" With a laugh, Rocky started to polish the bar. After a slight pause, he leaned forwards too. "And about your being here, I take it that means…"

Star Swirl nodded. "Oh yes, out in the cart just as promised. Three boxes of Griffon Eggnog, two cases of Dandelion Wine, and a crate full of Catnip Ale, straight from Felonia. Fell of the back of a carriage, if you know what I mean.  Ask no questions, I'll tell no lies." With a flash of a smile, she added, "I used half my firework stock in chasing off some bandits that tried to waylay me, but I'll throw in a box of novelty compasses. None of them point north, but that's the novelty!"

With a roll of his eyes, Rocky sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll take it!" he muttered as Star Swirl thumped her now empty glass down on the bar. That mare could sure drink quickly.

"Good. The box of compasses is an extra five bits." Before Rocky could reply, Star Swirl changed the subject, rubbing her hooves together. "Oh Rocky, this year is going to be great, I can feel it! I found an advert from a pony living in Detrot who's looking to buy as much lemon grass as possible, six bits a kilo! And I have a contact in Coltchester who can get it for me at three bits a kilo! Imagine that!" her eyes glazed over slightly. "All I need to do is get it there and instant profit!"

"You don't say…" Rocky muttered unimpressed as he refilled Star Swirl's glass. "Hey, you don't want to buy a hamper of odd socks, do you? Ma Honeybee at the laundrette's been trying to get rid of them for ages without any luck."

Star Swirl rolled her eyes at Rocky and took another deep swig of cider. "Don't be ridiculous, who would have a use for…" she trailed off, her thoughts racing as she slammed her glass down, splashing cider over the newly cleaned bar. "Yes, of course!" she exclaimed excitedly. "The unicorns! I could sell them the socks as horn warmers when I visit them! Brilliant!" Rocky stared at her unconvinced as Star Swirl's grin spread across her face. "This time next year Rocky, I'll be a millionaire!"

"Just like last year. And the year before that." Rocky shook his head. "You're living in a dream world lady. And you're not really going to Unicornia are you? You don't honestly think you could get away with the 'Star Swirl the Bearded' thing there?"

Star Swirl wasn't listening though, her cider-addled mind was consumed by the glinting lure of the promised wealth.  She started to rock backwards and forward slightly, thinking of how she would spend it all. These plans revolved mostly around drink and fillies. "It's worth the risk for gold, Rocky, of course it is! I won't draw any attention to myself, just shuffle in, pick up the gold and leave again. What could possibly go wrong?"